Living In The Trenches. . .

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus ~ Arrangement by David Baroni 

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Most of us might associate the reference “life in the trenches” with the Great War of 1914-1918, also known as World War I. Typically, a designated number of soldiers would serve in the front lines for four straight days, where most of the danger occurred. This truly is where life and death were only a breath away from one another. The soldiers would then serve another four days in close reserve, and then finally be given four days for rest. In a similar fashion, another trench known as the “support line” would have dugouts cut into the side of the trench wall where more infantry personnel were available to provide relief to their comrades on the frontlines and/or assist in whatever capacity necessary. Other trenches known as the “communication trenches” connected both the front and rear lines, in order for the soldiers to fetch equipment, supplies or retrieve additional infantry backup when ordered by their commanding officers. In other words, there would be an army of personnel behind the scenes to support their comrades living in the trenches at all times during these treacherous conditions (C. Baker, “The Long, Long Trail”, 1996-2010). 

I am more than half-way through my chemotherapy. Although there is no way I can fully appreciate or imagine the ultimate sacrifice our dear veterans and allies of both World Wars paid for us to have our freedom today, there are times, since the beginning of my treatments in early July, that I, too, have felt like I am “living in the trenches.” It is a long, narrow channel with its twists and turns, as well as ups and downs, which only you must crawl into alone as you prepare yourself psychologically, physically and spiritually each time you travel through a new treatment phase. Each time you enter the trench, it feels that much darker and that much longer than the time before because you just know it is going to take you that much longer to physically go through it and recover from it. During this journey, the wrath of chemotherapy drugs circulate throughout your body by flowing through the bloodstream; while at the same time wrecking havoc in every bone, muscle fibre and cell of your being as well as the pre- and post-medications you must take during each chemo cycle. It is a journey where there are truly no words to express the toll the dreadful side effects have on one’s overall well-being. All you keep praying is that once the course of treatment is eventually completed, the healthy cells will then have a chance to grow back normal, knowing that tomorrow is yet another day when the sun will return, and perhaps you may feel like you are among the living again. Like the Psalmist, David, you cry out, “Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are in agony. . .I am weary with groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears (Psalm 6:2, 6, NIV). It has felt like such a long journey, BUT I am so very grateful that I can almost see the finishing line when this too shall pass as I only have two more treatment cycles to go before I enter the next phase of intensive treatment with radiation. 

I have been so blessed with my own infantry of comrades, who have been there from the very beginning of my illness encouraging me, supporting me and praying for me. It has truly only been through the grace of God, my Commander-in- Chief, and the support of my loved ones that has helped me soldier on from cycle to cycle. For God has given me ‘Guidance’ in these uncertain times, given me ‘Protection’ when I have been fearful, and given me ‘Strength’ when I have been weak and would, otherwise, have been unable to endure this journey on my own. I cannot begin to express how comforting it is when I read, Psalm 145:8,18, and 20, “The Lord is gracious and full of compassion…The Lord is near to all that call upon Him…The Lord watches over all that love Him.” In other words, He has been my "GPS" while living in the trenches and has blessed me daily with my dear loved ones, who have given me such tremendous support and encouragement. For I have learned where God guides, He also provides knowing that I will be able to see victory at the end of my very own personal warfare. For this, I will, forever, be humbled and grateful. 

Learn to Cope

Seeing the good in everything

is what gives us so much hope,

Praying to God for everything

is what helps us learn to cope.

~ By Bonita ~

When God Has Other Plans. . .

Within the Heart of God ~ Arrangement by David Baroni
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I found it quite interesting when I heard on the news, recently, about the story of an American balloonist, Jonathan Trappe, who had planned to fly over the transatlantic enroute to France by way of 300 multi-coloured Helium balloons that were attached to a lifeboat, just in case he had to make an emergency landing into the ocean. However, due to unexpected difficulties, he had to abandon his attempt to fly over the ocean and, subsequently, landed in a remote area of Newfoundland. Hence, his plans were changed. Regardless, Mr. Trappe was quite optimistic when he said, “Adventure isn’t what you planned on, it’s what you find.” I found his comment to be enlightening. For plans we may make in our lives do not necessarily always go the way we had hoped or prepared for. Nevertheless, it is the adventure along the way that find us embracing life’s journey in a way in which we could have never had imagined when change happens in our lives. Although changes may not always be happy, they are not always sad either. For without change, how does one grow emotionally, mentally, or spiritually?

From the time I can remember, I always wanted to work in the field of medicine administratively. Therefore, when I entered high school I planned my courses toward further post-secondary education to become a medical secretary. Those college years seem so far away now; however, throughout the past 34 years, my role in the administrative medical field has changed and evolved many times, in order to hone my skills, expertise and knowledge in a profession that I have enjoyed very much. I have had wonderful opportunities throughout my career, beyond my hopes and dreams. However, these days rather than the hospital setting being my work of employment, it is now my refuge for healing and getting well. Hence, the plans for my life have, currently, dramatically changed from being an employee within a hospital to now becoming one of its patients instead.

For some, the obvious question to such a dramatic life change may be, “Why?” “Why has this happened to me?” “Where is this going to take me?” “What will I do now?” One may not, necessarily, immediately understand why such change had to occur in one’s life; however, I truly believe that when God has other plans for my life He will exceed abundantly with His purpose and plans for my life beyond whatever I could have ever imagined; knowing He will empower me to endure all circumstances in my life (Ephesians 3:20). For God has promised that He will always be there with us, giving us the strength day by day to face each circumstance and challenge that has changed our life’s plans through our tears, our sorrows, our pain, and our uncertainties. By putting my trust in Him, God has filled me with His love, joy, peace, and hope (Romans 15:13). Consequently, I am surrounded by His ‘presence’ with my life, I am comforted by His ‘peace’ in my life, and I am encouraged by His ‘plans’ for my life. I believe in His promise when He says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). So, when God has other plans for my life and changes come my way, I know I can trust in His ‘power,’ His ‘presence,’ His ‘promises,’ and His ‘purpose’ for my life. For I have learned, the more I accept God’s plans in my life, the less difficult change will be.

God’s plans and my plans

how different they may be,

Yet, I trust in Him,

as I walk with Him,

For He’ll never forsake me.

~ By Bonita ~

Just the Ordinary Moments. . .

Path To SolitudePath To Solitude ~ Arrangement by Dan Gibson (Solitudes)

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While I was recently sitting in the oversized chair waiting for my blood work to be taken, which determines if I am healthy enough to proceed with my next chemo treatment, I noticed an inspirational plaque that read, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”  As I thought about this phrase, I agree there have certainly been breath-taking moments that I am sure we can all recall at some moment in time that we have experienced. However, we should never forget, or take for granted, just the ordinary moments in our daily life such as walking, breathing, eating, hearing, seeing, and, yes, even sleeping. Every part of our being is a miracle, when you think about it.  What greater breath-taking moment should there be than life, itself.  In fact, when you think about it, there really are no just ordinary moments – as every moment is precious! 

My physical well-being has changed forever, I will never physically be the same as I was, BUT I am so very grateful that I can still wake up every morning and breath on my own, walk on my own, hear and see without aids, and be still be self-sufficient without depending on some kind of medical or mechanical device. How precious life is and, yet, so often taken for granted! Our culture seems to be more focused on bigger, better, fancier, and more ~ bigger house, better job, fancier car, more things and stuff, but none of this brings true happiness and contentment. With all the material possessions and pleasures that are obtainable, so many people still are walking around in search of moments where there is meaning and purpose in their lives. One of the riches kings ever was King Solomon. He did not have a want in the world. And yet with all his wealth, pleasures, and possessions he concluded, “I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiates 2:17 NIV).

When you are diagnosed with a life changing diagnosis, like cancer, your perspective on what is or is not important dramatically changes. The worldly possessions you might thought at one time were worthwhile are no longer significant or sufficient. The must do’s and must have’s no longer seem to be really that necessary. Your desire or interest to make any type of purchase, for that matter, becomes irrelevant. The time you have “in the moment,” however, is very important. In particular, the time you spend and devote to others like your loved ones as well as the desire to want to help others by encouraging them, listening to them, and loving them is so very precious.

Ordinary moments I now enjoy more often is just sitting in the backyard and listening to nature as the choir in the trees echoes the song of joy that the mourning dove, cardinal, robin or the sparrow sings as they welcome a new day. Looking out our kitchen window to view the majestic, street-lined trees dressed in their emerald greens as they begin to change into their festive fall colours of crimson red, pumpkin orange and gold is a marvel. Sitting down over a cup of tea or having lunch, while listening and laughing with my loved ones, is comforting and encouraging. These may be considered just ordinary moments, but they are just some of the ordinary moments that are so precious to me more than ever.

Recently, I re-read Mitch Albom’s beautiful story about his time with one of his former professors, who was dying from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS; also known as “Lou Gehrig’s disease after the legendary baseball player back in the 1930’s). The book is called, “Tuesdays with Morrie.” If you have not read it, you are gonna want to. I am sure you will conclude, just like Mitch discovered, and so have I, how important just the ordinary moments truly are in our lives. For it is not the pleasures, the possessions nor the places that will take our breath away, but the sheer beauty of breath within each of us. Rather than being so concerned about the breath-taking moments, shouldn’t we make every breath we take more momentous, even if it is just an ordinary moment?

Each moment and each breath I take

is a miracle each day.

Lord, as I kneel before you now,

Let me serve You, this I pray. 
~ By Bonita ~

Sowing Seeds of Faith. . .

Great Is Thy Faithfulness ~ Arrangement by David Baroni
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As I was standing at the kitchen preparing dinner the other night, I was cleaning some freshly picked peppers for our garden salad. In doing so, I could not help but notice the cluster of tiny seeds contained in just one pepper. I always marvel at the fact that by just planting one tiny seed in the soil it brings forth a plant that reaps a harvest of multiple peppers. This reminds me of the many seeds we can choose to plant throughout our lives such as honesty, hope, humility, patience, perseverance, forgiveness, understanding, and faith. For everything in life begins with a seed. In Genesis 8:22 I read, “While the earth endures, seedtime and harvest…will not cease.” Where there is a time for planting seeds ~ there will be time for reaping the harvest. Where there is a time to scatter ~ there will be a time to gather. Where there is a time for tears ~ there will be a time for laughter. Where there is a time of giving ~ there will be time of receiving.

On the day that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, while lying on the examining table during the ultrasound biopsy procedure, through my tears one of my favourite verses immediately came to mind, in which Jesus says, “…If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20). At that moment, I knew my mountain was BIG, but all God asked of me that day was “If you are willing to just give me your small seed of faith and trust in Me, your mountain will be moved.” And so it was on the day of surgery ~ my mountain was moved! Subsequently, all imaging and all tests after surgery have indicated I am cancer free for which I dearly thank God daily! Hence, the current treatments I am now undergoing are what I call my ‘deluxe insurance plan.’ Since my initial diagnosis, I have had to face many mountains over these past few months, but by planting one seed of faith at a time, God has faithfully been there for me by giving me the peace, strength and endurance that I have needed to climb each mountain. Although God is the source for my seed of faith, I willingly had to plant that seed in the soil of prayer by trusting and believing that through His abundant resources, He would multiply it back to me by meeting my every need ~ and so He has over, and over, and over again. All God asks of us is to plant our seeds of faith, one seed at a time, one day at a time, knowing that He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19).

Hence, I have learned it is only when we sow our tears in the soil of prayer can we reap the joy of God’s blessings; knowing He will meet our every need so that we can experience the joy of His great faithfulness.

Seeds of Faith

Lord, as I plant my seeds of faith

in the fertile soil of prayer,

Please shower me with Your blessings

for I know that You do care.

~ By Bonita ~

“True faith sees the ‘invisible’,
believes the ‘incredible’,
and receives the ‘impossible’.”
~ Author Unknown ~