The Gift of Disappointment. . .

Abide With Me - I Need Thee Every Hour - Arrangement by Iridis
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I recently read the most often repeated command in the Bible is “fear not”; in fact, it has been said it is referenced, in one form or another, at least 365 times. Thus, how comforting it is knowing for every single day throughout the year God continually encourages us to “fear not” but to “trust” in Him so that we can ~ “cling” to, “lean on”, and “grab on” to His ever-lasting arms, which will give us both hope and strength to endure.  Although, I have not actually counted if this claim is true or not, I “trust” that it is so. Regardless, it gives me hope not of “wondering” but of “knowing” God is always there for me to lean on to when times get tough and doubt sets in so much that there are days when I do not know how I will ever cope. I have no doubt you surely have also felt this way?  

I do not recall ever before where there has been so much fear among people today, of all generations, who are so stressed and continually living in fear whether it be due to their wealth, their health or their own self. And so, with all that has happened in my life, especially since being diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer almost a year ago, I have never been so fearful, stressed, and disappointed because I trusted in others, believing they had my best interest at heart. Oh, how mistaken I have been. Subsequently, it is an understatement for me to say I have been devastated beyond disbelief. Like King David, when reading Psalm 54:5-7, “Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and distress has overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove, for then I would fly away, and be at rest! Lo, then I would wander far away and remain in the wilderness.” Oh, if only that were possible. 

Disappointment can so easily turn into discouragement, despair and defeat making life appear so futile, if we allow others or circumstances to deflate us. Hence, it is during these times when one must choose to either look at one’s glass half-empty or “half-full”.
         
In the book of Psalms, within the King James version, the word “trust” is mentioned at least 71 times. I know this to be true because I have highlighted the word every single time it has been mentioned. It, therefore, goes without saying that I cling to, lean to, and grab on to every opportunity the word “trust” is mentioned because it helps refill my glass with hope knowing I can only put my trust in God’s hand. Thus, I am comforted when reading Psalm 56:11, “In God have I put my trust; I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”  

Consequently, one of the many lessons I can learn from the gift of disappointment is the importance of continually building and maintaining my “trusting” relationship with God; knowing He is enough in my life.  For He has promised:

• He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5)

• He will take care of me (I Peter 5:7)

• He is my strength (Psalm 27:1)

• He will take care of ALL my needs (Philippians 4:19)

• He will guide me (Psalm 32:8)

• He will deliver me from all my fears (Psalm 34:4)

• He will give me peace (Isaiah 26:3)

In other words, He is with me to the very end. "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

  

The Gifts of the Unknown. . .

Holy, Holy, Holy - Arrangement by Janice Faber
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How comforting it is, beyond measure, that by knowing God I know peace; for if there was no God, then I would know no peace!  I cannot express enough how thankful I am for the “Gifts of the Unknown”  throughout my life, particularly during the most unexpected happy times such as the night my husband-to-be would propose to me and what joy I have had being his wife these past 19 years.  As well, I would never have known the blessing of being loved by my siblings had my beloved mother not chosen to have more children after me, nor would I have known the joy and privilege of being an aunt to my two beautiful nieces had it not been for my dear sister and brother-in-law choosing to be parents. These “Gifts of the Unknown” have been both rewarding and fulfilling in my life, which I will always treasure.   

However, the “Gifts of the Unknown”  have also been experienced during the most challenging and unhappy times in my life as well. For example, the loss of my dear loved ones, who I miss every day, but so very much treasure the memories of love, laughter and wisdom they have left with me and the special part of my heart they will always hold dearly until the day I die.  

I believe it goes without saying, though, the most profound “Gift of the Unknown” has been my cancer diagnosis. Although one can never be prepared for life’s traumatic turn-of-events, the sooner one accepts and adapts, the sooner one can move forward with a more fulfilling life; as we all know life never goes backward. Through this journey, there most certainly have been nights of sorrow, but as the scripture reads in Psalm 30:5 though “weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning.”

Time and time again, opportunity has been given to me sharing God’s promises of Hope~Inspiration~Motivation; in other words, H.I.M. For example, if it were not for the unexpected opportunity (Gift) of listening last spring on our national news broadcast about Contextual Genomics, a Canadian privately held company that develops and delivers genomic-based molecular diagnostics to cancer patients, I doubt very much that I would be alive today.  It was during this broadcast they announced they were recruiting a limited number of cancer patients across Canada to be given the opportunity of personalized cancer care. Hence, this gave me hope and inspiration!  It was shortly after this broadcast that I would have the opportunity (Gift) to discuss my possible eligibility with my oncologist, who, in turn, immediately pursued the in-depth prerequisites on my behalf. Then after anxiously waiting for a few weeks, we were given the wonderful news (Gift) that not only was my cancer mutation identified, but a recommended target therapy medication (Gift) was also provided, which was not necessarily a guarantee in this process. It was also a medication (Gift) that “traditionally” was not considered for my initial breast cancer diagnosis. Hence, this, in itself, was a miracle (Gift)!  Although the targeted therapy medication has come with its own challenges, it, nevertheless, is presently destroying the cancer cells in my body that is keeping me alive (Gift)!  Consequently, this miracle (Gift), has been a motivation for me to be an advocate for others of which I cannot emphasize enough the importance of personalized medical care!
   
Although I still continue with my daily struggles of living with the effects of cancer, I am so grateful for the “Gifts of the Unknown” for I am daily reminded of how dependent I am on the Lord, who is my Shepherd, when reading Psalm 139 as His:

•  Grace surrounds & protects me so that I will not be afraid of the unknown physiological path of my disease ~ "You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me." (verse 5);
  
•  Guidance leads & directs me, so that I will not be afraid of the pathological detours of my disease ~ "...thy hand leads me...." (verse 10);
   
•  Grasp holds & never lets go of me, so that I will not be afraid of the physiological, pathological & psychological gradients of my disease ~ "...thy right hand shall hold me." (verse 10).

Hence, with praise and peace I can say, "Yea, though I walk 'through' the valley of the 'shadow' of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

The Gift of Power. . .

Peace - Arrangement by David Baroni
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How often do we find ourselves so absorbed in the "small" stuff of life that we have a tendency of forgetting what is really important in the larger picture?  Is it really possible to always have peace in ALL circumstances or will life’s trials and sufferings bring us down so far that we are too weak and left without any strength to carry on?    

Some days, it would be so easy to say, “yes”. For the chronic pain I experience daily, while living with cancer, is not only tiring but can also weaken one physically, mentally and spiritually.  However, when I read about the life of Apostle Paul who, too, had a thorn in his flesh throughout his life, he reminds us “but none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy” (Acts 20:24).  

Regardless of how heavy our burdens may weigh upon us or the losses we may suffer, God reminds us through His everlasting love that His “grace is sufficient for me: for His strength is made perfect in weakness” (II Corinthians 12:9).  However, it is only when we are completely in the still moments with God can He do His work in us so that we may feel His presence, His peace, and His power in our lives, once we have surrendered all our burdens to Him.            

No matter how tumultuous the sea may be or how strong the gales in our life can be, the pain we suffer can only be set free when we put our trust in Thee, dear Lord.  For it is only You, who can calm the sea with the command of your voice, so that ALL will have “Peace, and be still” (Mark 4:39).  One of the lessons I continually learn through my daily journey of living with cancer is I am kept humble, lest I should stumble; He gives me grace when I look upon His face; and I empowered when I lean on His:
                                                    Promises
                                                    Omnipotence
                                                    Wonder
                                                    Embrace
                                                    Refuge

And so my prayer for you today is that you may know God's comfort, know His strength, and know His POWER in your life.  You need not ever walk alone, but walk hand-in-hand with Him, who wants nothing less than the best for us who come to Him so that we may rest.

“Be strong in the Lord,
and in the POWER
of His might.”
Ephesians 6:10