Stepping through the Shadowlands. . .

Woodland Meditation ~ Arrangement by Dan Gibson (Solitudes)
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Shadowland – a land or region of shadows; unrealities, or uncertainties

With only a few hours of sleep the night before, I can only describe waking up on the day of surgery as surreal.  I go through the motions of preparing myself mentally, physically, and spiritually for surgery, yet it truly felt like an out-of-body experience.  And so, I turn to my devotions, praying to God that He will grant me the strength, the courage, and the inner peace that I so desperately need to carry me through this day. For my life, as I once knew it, would be altered forever. As well I pray, “Lord, please be with my loved ones, who worry so, for I know I do not go down this path alone.”      

As my husband and I arrive to the hospital, we walk in silence to the Surgical Day Care Unit. There are no words to describe the emotions we both are facing or the state of mind we have been living through these past few weeks.  We are both in a state of sheer exhaustion from shock, heartache, frustration, anxiousness, and uncertainty. Yet, this would be the day that would give us a glimmer of hope knowing the cancerous tumors would be removed by whatever means necessary. How I thank God for my husband as he walks by my side every step of the way with his unconditional love and devotion to me.  

Once the nurses prep me for surgery, I am then wheeled away by stretcher to an area just outside the O.R. room where my surgeon and her medical team are preparing for my arrival.  It is during this brief, but still and quiet moment with much Trepidation and Resignation, yet Inspiration, that I embrace the promise of the Good Shepherd, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me…” (Psalm 23:4).   

Henry Ward Beecher, a 19^th century clergyman, once described Psalm 23 as the “nightingale of the Psalms. The nightingale sings its sweetest when the night is darkest” (Excerpt from God’s Psychiatry by Charles L. Allen).  And so, as I enter my shadowland, I repeat this comforting Psalm over and over again.  Even though I dread this moment as I am now rolled into the O.R. room, I truly feel the presence of God.  “For thou art the God of my strength” (Psalm 43:2).  It is like hearing the nightingale sing its sweet song in the darkness as the anesthetist prepares me for my darkness for surgery to begin.

Subsequently, it is with great relief and joy that I am told my surgery went well and the prognosis is optimistic, keeping in mind that further intense treatments will be required over the coming weeks and months.  New terrains and valleys are still to come, but for now I will not go there for I know I am truly blessed.

It is, therefore, my Aspiration to share with others, the hope that although we may encounter many hardships and frightening moments throughout the shadowlands of life, we can experience the Liberation from our darkest TRIALs.  For I know, and have experienced, that it is only truly in God’s presence will I find comfort, peace and blessed assurance, while stepping through the shadowlands. 

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” – (Psalm 91:1, NIV)