Living In The Trenches. . .

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus ~ Arrangement by David Baroni 

(Please click for background music as you read this message of H.I.M.)

Most of us might associate the reference “life in the trenches” with the Great War of 1914-1918, also known as World War I. Typically, a designated number of soldiers would serve in the front lines for four straight days, where most of the danger occurred. This truly is where life and death were only a breath away from one another. The soldiers would then serve another four days in close reserve, and then finally be given four days for rest. In a similar fashion, another trench known as the “support line” would have dugouts cut into the side of the trench wall where more infantry personnel were available to provide relief to their comrades on the frontlines and/or assist in whatever capacity necessary. Other trenches known as the “communication trenches” connected both the front and rear lines, in order for the soldiers to fetch equipment, supplies or retrieve additional infantry backup when ordered by their commanding officers. In other words, there would be an army of personnel behind the scenes to support their comrades living in the trenches at all times during these treacherous conditions (C. Baker, “The Long, Long Trail”, 1996-2010). 

I am more than half-way through my chemotherapy. Although there is no way I can fully appreciate or imagine the ultimate sacrifice our dear veterans and allies of both World Wars paid for us to have our freedom today, there are times, since the beginning of my treatments in early July, that I, too, have felt like I am “living in the trenches.” It is a long, narrow channel with its twists and turns, as well as ups and downs, which only you must crawl into alone as you prepare yourself psychologically, physically and spiritually each time you travel through a new treatment phase. Each time you enter the trench, it feels that much darker and that much longer than the time before because you just know it is going to take you that much longer to physically go through it and recover from it. During this journey, the wrath of chemotherapy drugs circulate throughout your body by flowing through the bloodstream; while at the same time wrecking havoc in every bone, muscle fibre and cell of your being as well as the pre- and post-medications you must take during each chemo cycle. It is a journey where there are truly no words to express the toll the dreadful side effects have on one’s overall well-being. All you keep praying is that once the course of treatment is eventually completed, the healthy cells will then have a chance to grow back normal, knowing that tomorrow is yet another day when the sun will return, and perhaps you may feel like you are among the living again. Like the Psalmist, David, you cry out, “Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are in agony. . .I am weary with groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears (Psalm 6:2, 6, NIV). It has felt like such a long journey, BUT I am so very grateful that I can almost see the finishing line when this too shall pass as I only have two more treatment cycles to go before I enter the next phase of intensive treatment with radiation. 

I have been so blessed with my own infantry of comrades, who have been there from the very beginning of my illness encouraging me, supporting me and praying for me. It has truly only been through the grace of God, my Commander-in- Chief, and the support of my loved ones that has helped me soldier on from cycle to cycle. For God has given me ‘Guidance’ in these uncertain times, given me ‘Protection’ when I have been fearful, and given me ‘Strength’ when I have been weak and would, otherwise, have been unable to endure this journey on my own. I cannot begin to express how comforting it is when I read, Psalm 145:8,18, and 20, “The Lord is gracious and full of compassion…The Lord is near to all that call upon Him…The Lord watches over all that love Him.” In other words, He has been my "GPS" while living in the trenches and has blessed me daily with my dear loved ones, who have given me such tremendous support and encouragement. For I have learned where God guides, He also provides knowing that I will be able to see victory at the end of my very own personal warfare. For this, I will, forever, be humbled and grateful. 

Learn to Cope

Seeing the good in everything

is what gives us so much hope,

Praying to God for everything

is what helps us learn to cope.

~ By Bonita ~